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July 18 HeyaHey everyone GOD BLESS!!! been forevaz...Deryk wadup long time no talk but hope your doin fantasticly wonderfuly fabulous.Saw yourpics looks awsome man.sorry for shit back in the day..i sucked.=)i dunno just cant seem to be in touch.XOXOXo Love you all October 30 Long Time No SeeWhao wow its been a long time, well if anyone is still using this, i hope everyone is doing good.Im Clearwater bound so if anyone is near..$1 Dolla$ make you Holla lol September 27 Bella Gianna 12 Days Left!Well it's been a while since i have written on this thing.I really dont know what to say on this site.But i hope everyone is good.Gianna will be here Oct.9th hopefully if she isnt late..i already cant handle holding her any longer... October 07 HmmI feel like Updating.................................................................................................................
Ok Im done
September 20 Sitting..Giving...The mark I breathe on you. It’s burning through your soul. The breath I waste. Losing control. I bleed in pain. Testing what I know. Lips soaked in deceit. Pull me from here. No one’s innocent. So why do I feel bad? But guilt keeps creeping, creeping up on me. Guilt. Tearing me up inside. The innocent. An evil in disguise. The face of beauty to fall for. I fall to my knees, deceitful. Brought down by feelings of regret. Again your mind has failed the test. Not everyone feels the same. Pacifist blinded by the game. Stand tall. They’ll break your heart. Stand tall. They’ll smash your ego. Stand tall. They’ll tear you down. Stand tall. Scar your soul. Break your thought. Fuck your mind. The mark I breathe on you. It’s burning through your soul. The breath I waste. Losing control. I bleed in pain. Testing what I know. Lips soaked in deceit. Pull me from this hole. September 12 Halo Wow such a long summerWell summer is over and i am actually grateful for thaT.it feels good to be using my brain again.School is awsome thank you daddy for paying for it...means alot to me *blush* I have to go. But i just wanna say sowwy to everyone that i havent emailed or commented back to these days. Im safe and i am really busy and i want you to know that.No i havent forgoten about you and i never will.If i could wait for you forever i would.So far i have.Im not with anyone and my heart belongs to you.Even if you dont want it, it will still be here.Reach out and Touch Faith Darling.HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!
xoxoxoxox~bella August 06 Otay SowwyI havent written here in a while...it has been very very crazy.I had the saddest dream last night...ive been having alot of sad and scary dreams these days..its wierd every August this happens.Oh well ill just have to try n ignore the dreams, but i swear they seem so real.Lol im such a ditz for talking about this stuff oh well.
So well be leaving to go to Tennessee soon...within the next couple weeks.Well be staying there for a month and then were going to Florida. Im really happy to be getting off Maui for a while..even though ill miss all my fwends, i know i will see them again.
She never mentions the word addiction
In certain company
Yes, she'll tell you she's an orphan
After you meet her family
She paints her eyes as black as night now
She pulls those shades down tight
She gives a smile when the pain comes
The pain gonna' make everything alright
Says she talks to angels
They call her out by her name
Oh yeah, she talks to angels
Says they call her out by her name
She keeps a lock of hair in her pocket
She wears a cross around her neck
Yes the hair is from a little boy
And the cross from someone she has not met
Not yet...
She don't know no lovers
None that I've ever seen
And to her that means nothing
But to me it means, means everything July 26 Bye bye Maui...July 23 Hold Your Breathe And Let Me Tell You How I really Feel...You Keep pushing me Away-And I keep Pushing myself back to you You Keep Ignoring Me-And i Keep trying to talk to You You Keep Blocking me-And I keep fighting to Hold my place with you You Keep Telling me Im Worthless-And i Keep Perfecting myself for you You Keep pushing my love away-And my Love for you gets Stronger You Keep Telling me Im Gone from your memory-And i Keep coming back You Keep Fighting with me-And i keep sympathizing and being Strong You Say You Never loved me-But i will Know you Keep holding on..to my memory Holding on to myself is what i have done..holding on to you is what i do wrong...thinking of the days i hated and loved...is the worst thing that i have become...the angel the devil the bitch within...ill keep holding this gun, to show you I care until the very end. I will tell you one more time i love you and hate you forever...seek me call me ill be waiting for the pain...the anger the comfort the seasons will change. It might be years till I find you again.So go away for now and think about what you did and ill see you once again.Youll look in my eyes and remember all the lies...that i believed with my heart...when you told me... July 14 Where did i mess up..and where did i go wrongI still reach for what i lost
I know it cant be done
It never has and It never will
I just sit and dream about the past
The future and the present
Could it have been done in different ways
Probably but i guess things happened for a reason
The past is out of reach
The Soul is burnt
And the heart is now new and pure
The sensitive spirit and the sensitive mind
PLease just let me think about you one more time
And then Ill erase you once again
And then Ill start it all over again
~bella
July 06 Back to China?? haha i wishThis is the moment my heart and mind has been waiting for..the actual shock of me leaving Xiamen.I can only think about..How did my mind wonder away for so long.It took a vacation and left me here to only use my hearts decisions.And thats not good because my heart and my mind think totally opposite things.All i can do now is try to get my head straight...main things i care about
Happiness...that is a privelage though
School
Deryk
Parents
Rules and Discipline
Smoking..Have to stop that bad bad bad bad habbit..gonna be hard though
Family
....i have alot if things to think about...i dont know where to start
Life isnt That Simple after all...i Have to beg myself everyday not to give up..there will be better things in the future..i just have to work at it
One of the things i learned...that i think about still every day...
Look in the mirror when your on vacation, and you see yourself...
Look in the mirror when your at home, and you still see yourself...
Look in the mirror when your running away from home, and you still see yourself...
Look in the mirror when you run away from your fears and you think now that your far away from your problems everything will be ok.....I still see myself...
no matter where i go and where i am and what mirror i am looking into..i still see myself....You can run, but i cant hide...
I wish i could take back the things that i said and did...i wish i could take back everything i did so i wouldnt feel like this...i wish i could take back everyday except for all the Sundays...all those Sundays i will never forget...Family Days it all makes sense now... July 05 4th of July TragedyWell Happy 4th of July everyone of yallz who celebrate it. Hope you blerw alot of awsome fireworks and hung out with your families and had family fun...as for me and my mom we went to the hospital...Today was one of the scariest days of my life.Having your mom almost die in your hands...hurts and is a scary memory to have to remember. Sigh^^ even though my 4th of July wasnt about food fireworks and fun..i still had a fun day knowing that my mom was still somewhat alive and breathing. The cause oof her almost fatal death we dont really know..it could be anything....I cant believe my mom almost left me. I think that is the sadest and most scared ive ever been in my whole life..but i did what i could to keep her alive when we were laying in the sand with me trying to keep her coooled down.WHy the helll is it that i always have tragedies happen on the beach, i mean the most recent ones...Me and CHristina at the beach and we crqashed on a quad...i fell in a whole at the beach almost broke my neck...lots of fights....now my mom telling me she was going to die. Shell be going to the doctors again this Friday to see what exactly she has..for right now she just has to take it easy..theres so much more to the story but i dont think all the details matter...one thing i really belive in now is to love what you have while you have it because before you know it..it can be taken away from you faster than anything youve ever seen...and the worst thing was...my mom and i were in a argument earlier that morning about stupid stufff...so we were going throughout the day mad at eacother...if she really would have died then..i would have felt so bad know ing that we were in a fight and i didnt get to say im sorry...that was hard....love what you have,and i also want to say...Everyone everywhere if your reading this...no matter who you are, Im sorry for any little thing i have done to you, im sorry.I dont really hate ne one, but i know alot of people hate me...sigh^i really miss you all Deryk, Daddy,Yang,Ling Qing,Mikey,Antonio,Maxxy,Michael,QingQing,Kathy, Katie, Christina, Betty, Sharon, Ashley, Cynthia, Morgan,Jenna C. Jenna W.,Mahina, Enoka, Ryan, Ian, Egan, Tanya, Erin, Robb, Thomas,Eopa, Samantha, Dennis, Raymond, ANthony T., Ellie, Annie, Janet, Keara, David, Seb(sorry to you), Philip Z., Philip K., Indee, Cassie, Cami, Hannah, Bo, Adam, Trinda, Jenny, Janet L.,Stan...and everyone else i miss evryone and MWAHZ xoxoxox tank for readin my broing story
~luv Bella Gioia July 02 Happy Family that isnt Perfect one bitOOOOOOwwwwweeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Finally my Dazie (my mom) and Paulie are MARRIED!!!! hmm the wedding was awsome i felt so special because we have all 3 been though alot and we have worked everything out to make everything work.I hope they never part and i know that they will never part..I wish them both good luck for the future and i am happy to know that my mom will be taken care of and she will be in safe hands when one of these days iw ill have to part from this island...I Love You Both so much, and i am so happy i am a part of your lives..fuck weve been through alot and now..everything is coming together...so CONGRATUALTIONS!!!!!
So much good news these days, im making a new me and im making a better life and a better future. We dont have alot but i make alot out of what we all 3 have, i know we will make it..weve come so far and nothing can stop us now.Only good things can come for us.
I got a new Jackson Chameleon so now i have 2..one is a girl and i found her next to my house a couple days ago, she fell out of a tree and she is still hurting..so i am just praying that i have enough strenght to keep her alive..so far is so good. I am trying really hard to keep her breathing and alive and healthy. Her name is Fiory and she is still a baby.
My other one i got yesterday and him and i are already best buddies..hes a teenager and he has the most beautiful colors i have ever seen..green dark green and blue and sometimes a bit of pink on his back/spine. His name is GanGan and right now he is sleeping..erhm on the front of my shirt, he goes everywhere with me and he gets alot and alot of attention..so do i lah^^ we are like so meant for eachother. MWAH i luv you GanGan !!!!
My sister got a pet rat..omg i usualy ddont like trats but this one is sooo flippin cute, its more like a baby rabbit..we convinced mom to get it for her and my mom was happy that we were happy so we were all happy...well we were already happy, then we got more happier..i got to name her rat and i called her Tater Tott >_< i love that name for her!!!! so <3 you too Tater Tott
My momma and Paulie are working so hard these days, shes at work right now and so is he..im so happy that sigh** everything is goin smootha nd were all healthy and happy....luv you all
I miss Deryk, and just so you all know we have been together for 140 days...i havent talked to him on MSN for a while and its killing me..my days somehow arent the same.I miss him so much and i wish you luck baby...i know your doing great..college sounds fun *_* i miss yu and i live you and just incase ya'll didnt know we're soulmates, and im proud to say that he is the best Boyfriend and best friend i have ever had....im so honored to be your soulmate and i promise...i will never love anyone as much as i love you.Thats a promise that i will take to my grave...you are my everything MWAHZ xoxox GDC 216 Love Forevahz
.......so alot more info could be said right now but This is the main and imortant stuff for my present week...
Love and miss eryone around the world..yes even the hataz..i love and miss you guys too...i wish youall the best and i hope your all having a great and fun summer...good things will come for the school year of 2005 to 2006. Mwahz tankz for readin my thoughts for the moment...
~luv bella gioia, or whatever youwant to call me..i have alot names ^_^ July 01 WaitI Cant Feel
i Cant Breathe
I Cant Sleep
I Cant Eat
I Cant See
I Cant Cry...
But I Can Wait June 27 Bang BangI was five and he was six Bang bang, I shot you down I liked that song..its from Kill Bill Nancy Sinatra sings it hokay so today i am to tired to write ne thing...my moms getting married in 7 days...damnnnn!!!!!!! Love you Deryk....miss you...GDC June 20 .hokay people i am so done with my xanga...da comments arent working ne more >_< so F&$k that lah^^...been a heck of a week .Hope you all are doin good..my summer is doin oki i guess...just camping beachin and workin...I want to move to Australia* so thats something i am going to try and work on soon.. GDC Luv 4evahz 216 I Luv you D <3 June 15 erhmHmm well today has been, a memory day...i put some new pics up and i made them all freaky looking, so yah ttylaz June 10 Punctuation...Powerful ToolI just ran into this..it was sent to A COLLEGE professor wrote the words: "A woman without her man is nothing" on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly. All of the guys(males) in the class wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing." All the chicks(females) in the class wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing." Punctuation....powerful tool... June 08 >Hey Ya'lll...well lotz happened but i am to sleepy to explain..i pierced my lip(eek i did it myself)i think and other people think i did a kick ass job..i did it for my baby..Deryk muahaha now we both gotz em done weeee.My Sister Lacie is finally comin here, dang i havent seen her in 3 years so im like freaking out..i cant wait to pick her up tomorrow...Heres some song lyrics..wuv yoo Deyk xoxox "Rescue" |
You would never let go
me a couple months ago, i never actually read it though...hmmm interesting..Oh but i did the colorful words
...the original came in black
**yikes** i am so...confused on this statement..i have 2 opinions for it...|
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